Gandhi's Rules for Civil Disobedience....OlyPMR-Style

Tonight OlyPMR has rewritten Gandhi's rules for civil disobedience.

1. The resister will harbor no anger
OlyPMR- The resister will be irrationally pissed off at anyone who disagrees with him.

2. He will suffer the anger of the opponent.
OlyPMR- He will never let any comment or provocation go unanswered without a retort or greater provocation.

3. In so doing he will put up with assaults from the opponent, never retaliate; but he will not submit, out of fear of punishment or the like, to any order given in anger.
OlyPMR- In doing so he will never put up with assaults from the opponent and will always retaliate but NEVER in a way that requires physical courage or emotional maturity. Such retaliation should preferably be against persons or property which have nothing to do with the resistor or opponent.

4. When any person in authority seeks to arrest a civil resister, he will voluntarily submit to the arrest, and he will not resist the attachment or removal of his own property, if any, when it is sought to be confiscated by authorities.
OlyPMR- When a person in authority gives a a resister a lawful order he will ignore the order. He will then be surprised and irrationally angry when the person in authority actually exercises said authority and arrests the resister.

5. If a civil resister has any property in his possession as a trustee, he will refuse to surrender it, even though in defending it he might lose his life. He will, however, never retaliate.
OlyPMR- (The analogy starts to break down a bit but...) The resister will gain revenge against his opponent by attacking the property and freedom of movement of average citizens, businesses and government officials who have nothing to do with the issue at hand. Such attacks will surely bring them to our point of view.

6. Non-retaliation excludes swearing and cursing.
OlyPMR- Swearing and cursing are the preferred method of communication with those who disagree with us

7. Therefore a civil resister will never insult his opponent, and therefore also not take part in many of the newly coined cries which are contrary to the spirit of ahimsa (nonviolence).
OlyPMR- A resister should insult his opponent whenever possible. We define "nonviolence" like George Bush defines "torture", so all our actions are nonviolent...because we say so.

8. A civil resister will not salute the Union Jack, nor will he insult it or officials, English or Indian.
OlyPMR- US flags, if carried at all MUST be carried upside down or with a gigantic peace symbol in place of stars. Such representations of the Nation's most sacred symbol will demonstrate how much we really really support the troops.

9. In the course of the struggle if anyone insults an official or commits an assault upon him, a civil resister will protect such official or officials from the insult or attack even at the risk of his life.
OlyPMR- We will take actions which the vast majority of our community (even those who agree with our motives) believe to be disrespectful and insulting. We will secretly believe most in the community don't have the balls or intelligence to come to our side. Though we will give lip-service to the concept of "honest and open" debate, we have no interest in listening to anyone else's point of view.